Life Gets Chaotic

2025

Here’s to the New Year! I’m not feeling very optimistic to be honest. The people, the arguments, it’s all the same. Like everyone is stuck on repeat. It’s a bad song. Can we move on already?

A question to ponder this week.

I’ve done a lot of soul searching during this year. Desperate to find the cause of all the bleakness wreaking havoc in my mind. The silence has become so loud recently I am having trouble even enjoying the sounds of my kids playing. It’s not fair to them or to me. I used to be careless and free. A duck. Able to find the joy no matter what life through at me. I miss the days of waking up to balter in the kitchen. Looking up at the sky and letting the rain ruin my hair.

Maybe it’s postpartum depression.. I feel almost as if I’ve been playing in third person. I haven’t been able to pinpoint the straw that was just to much. But, I’ve decided to not give up, to keep looking for my reason why. I know my story is horrid; there was/is silver linings inside the clouds. It is just absolutely exhausting having to remind myself of that every day.

I hate the whole “New Year, New Me” nonsense. But, my story needs to change this year. I owe it to myself and my tiny people to be an active participant in our lives again. Like it was when I decided to start this blog.

When I bought this domain last year, I was at war with the demons in my mind. Looking for any avenue to convince myself to keep on keeping on. The last six months, I’ve been drowning. And unfortunately due to all my wonderful issues, I have this deep need to keep all the dark and twisty parts hidden. So, I haven’t wrote anything. Haven’t shared anything with anyone. The world has rested on my shoulders. Want to hear a secret? It’s effing heavy and I’m sick of carrying it.

That being said….

This is not a new year promise of change. Of rainbows and flowers. This is a promise to no longer be quiet. To not just sit still and look pretty anymore. It is the year of the dragon. I’m going to own it. All the chaos that happens, the good the bad. It has made me who I am. The longer I try to box all the bad the more it eats at me. No more. Time to take my own advice, my lovely readers. Embracing the storm doesn’t mean I need to live in it anymore.

I came. I saw. I conquered. That’s been my motto since I was young. Time to go back to the basics. If people won’t change I will. Not to fit their mold. More like going back to being outside of it. Here’s to forcing luck into existence and making memories worth hanging on to.

I’ve bought one of The Adventure Challenge books, actually, two of them. I got the Solo adventure and the Family adventure. I thought it would be really good to let the universe do what she does best. Plus, the randomness that is bound to happen will make for good content to post on here. I’m not going to post a link to it. That’s what Google is for, look it up if you want one.

ANYWAYS, as we bring 2024 to a close; here’s a promise to myself and my tiny people. It will get better! We will make it better.